What fear does to your body and mind
Oct 22, 2024It was Friday morning, and I was still waiting for a return call from our vet with blood test results for our beloved one-year-old kitten, Massimo. We'd had the blood drawn on Tuesday. What's taking so long? I can't sit here doing nothing.
The anxiety permeated my body. I'm so fidgety that I can't sit still. The adrenaline and cortisol are telling me to "fight", and while my mind is aware of what's happening physiologically, it's impossible to self-coach my way out of it.
Massimo had been fighting a mysterious illness for about a month. He was losing weight and had become lethargic. Very un-kitten-like. All of my Mama Bear instincts were kicking in to protect him.
I called the vet and assertively asked to light a fire on the bloodwork. I simply couldn't wait any longer. A few hours later, we had our results: Negative for the life-threatening virus that's becoming more common in cats (FIP, a mutation of a coronavirus).
I wasn't buying it.
Should I listen to the logic of the test results? Our vet recommended a weekend-long stay at the ICU to run more tests to rule out other possibilities.
My body wouldn't allow that choice. My instincts told me to get help NOW. That would mean pursuing the non-FDA-approved treatment our vet couldn't administer. While this treatment is illegal in the United States, other countries were using it to combat this new, quickly spreading virus in young cats. (Update: FIP treatment is now approved for use in the United States.)
IF my body were right, we'd save Massimo's life.
Just two weeks later, we had our answer. Massimo steadily improved through the daily anti-viral shots. He appears to be out of the woods and on his way to a full recovery. (Update: Massimo has fully recovered from FIP 🥰).
Prolonged fear and anxiety's impact on the nervous system
The diagnosis stage with Massimo lasted almost a month, including the last week when his health and weight decline were alarming. That was one month of intense mental, physical, and emotional stress.
The place where this stress gets stored is in the nervous system. I think of my nervous system like a bucket that has a leaky faucet dripping into it. Those drips get steadily added each day (that's life!) But there's also a hole in the bottom of the bucket through which the water slowly seeps out (that's self-care!).
Most of the time, the bucket's fine. It stays partially full. But sometimes, like this situation, the faucet gets turned on FULL BLAST. The prolonged fear and anxiety--a heightened state of "alert"--lead to nervous system overload. The water overflows the bucket.
The last time my nervous system was this overloaded was during the pandemic. What does nervous system overload look like? Difficulty concentrating, feeling perpetually "wired," and, unusually, not feeling rested after a night of sleep.
When the bucket overflows, my typical self-care methods aren't enough. I need more than swimming, walks, and yoga to return to calm and bring the bucket back to normal levels.
A regulated nervous system leads to better decisions
Fear is amazing. It serves a survival purpose. Yet, as I'd recently read in Positive Intelligence, living in survival brain mode is exhausting, and quite miserable. It leads to poor decisions, too.
What struck me deeply about this personal experience was how common scenarios like this are in our lives. Most of us have scary things that regularly pop up, lasting for weeks or months on end. Yet few of us know how to recognize nervous system overload, how to talk about it, and what to do about it. (That's one of the reasons the first chapter of my book, Inspired by Fear: Becoming a Courageous Change Leader, does that to help leaders learn to recognize fear to stop letting it unconsciously influence decisions.)
Through my experiences healing my nervous system, I've learned to recognize the signals of overload in others. I have empathy for people in these moments, because it's a feeling I know well.
I also know that through the practice of building self-care habits, it's possible to bring the bucket back to normal levels. Three years ago, I didn't even know what calm felt like. Now it is one of my most valuable measures of health.
When I can return to calm, I can more clearly see what I need to do. In this case, it was a life-or-death decision for our beloved kitten Massimo.
Healing is a somatic process. It happens in the body, not the mind.
Body and mind work together in fear's presence. The body sends protective signals, and the mind interprets them (well, a wise mind slows down enough to interpret them!) Through the practice of noticing the body's signals, fear can become courage: An intentional step despite fear's presence.
Life gives most of us plenty of moments to practice this noticing and naming of fear. I hope more people learn to master this skill. The world would be a calmer place with better decisions. 🧡
If you enjoyed this article on fear within the body, you might enjoy:
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