Squashing the fear gremlins: A method to shift out of fear at work
Sep 04, 2024How to recognize your instinctive fear reaction
The 4Fs of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn at work
Fear is an instinctive physiological reaction wired into all humans as a way to protect us from potential danger. The hormones that flood the body enable us to run faster, see more clearly, and sometimes to remain completely still and "play dead."
These instinctive reactions are known as fight, flight, freeze, and fawn: The 4Fs. While these reactions look dramatically different, which can make it hard to recognize them, underlying all of them is fear.
The 4Fs show up in all kinds of life situations, ranging from the immediate danger of a car that cuts us off in traffic to the more existential threat of global warming. Anything unknown or uncertain can cause fear.
Uncertainty is increasingly common in today's work world. Situations are volatile and changing rapidly. Change is constant and continual in most organizations.
The instinctive 4F response also applies to uncertainty at work. Examples of the 4Fs at work look like:
🗯 Saying hurtful things directly or indirectly to others (fight)
❌ Avoiding difficult people or situations (flight)
❓Doubting and questioning our skills and competence (freeze)
😅 Wearing a mask of people-pleasing (fawn)
1 in 5 adults experience fear-based anxiety disorders
If you feel like there’s more fear than ever in the world and at work, you’re not mistaken.
Statistics indicate that fear is increasingly common. An estimated one in five adults will experience some form of anxiety disorder in a given year. Approximately 40 million adults in the United States are affected by anxiety, making it one of the most prevalent mental health conditions. (Anxiety is a form of fear.)
Yet, as fear rises, many of us attempt to control it rather than accept it.
When things feel out of control, it’s natural to want to restore balance. This response occurs for various reasons:
➡️ It's uncomfortable to feel fear, so we avoid it.
➡️ It is sometimes tricky to spot as it hides behind other more "acceptable" emotions such as anger or contempt.
➡️ We don't know what to DO about it, and besides, we have so many other things to DO anyway.
This is especially true now, as there are many reasons to feel fear in the workplace.
An overview of the 3N Influencing Technique to shift out of a fear reaction
So, what can we do to help ourselves?
There’s a simple technique to help you begin recognizing the presence of fear, reclaiming your power over it by naming it, and taking small steps to shift out of it. Here’s how to transform an instinctive fear reaction into a thoughtful response in three easy steps:
1. Learn to notice fear responses (the 4Fs) in ourselves and others
- Fight is an aggressive reaction, the most common way people express fear during change because anger is a more "acceptable" emotion in Western cultures. In organizations, it is labeled change resistance.
- Flight looks more like avoiding confrontation or a difficult situation.
- Freeze is being unable to act. Procrastination or analysis-paralysis, where issues get discussed repetitively without making a decision, could be considered a form of freeze.
- Fawn is going along to get along. This might mean taking on a colleague's work to gain favor with your boss out of fear for job security. Or not setting clear work-life boundaries because saying no would be disagreeable.
2. Name the emotion: Fear.
- There are various words for fear: Apprehension, worry, panic, anxiety, uncertainty, dread, scared.
- Naming it helps us take back our power. It's not about whether you use the "correct" label, but that you begin defining for yourself different forms of fear.
- Some forms of fear create higher levels of alarm than others, and body sensations can be a wonderful tool to learn to recognize which form of fear is present.
3. Nudge yourself before taking action.
- Nudging is a gentle way of asking, "Is this the choice I want to make in this moment?"
- If active fear reactions of fight or flight are present, pausing to notice and name the fear can help you slow down before taking action.
- If more passive reactions of freeze or fawn are present, pausing to notice and name the fear can help you decide whether you might want to take action, such as asking a question.
I call this the 3N Influencing Technique. This technique helps shift an unconscious, instinctive fear reaction into a more considered response. Although it can be used with all kinds of "negative" emotions, it is particularly useful for choosing courage over fear—taking action despite fear's presence.
The better we become at noticing fear and learning to sit with it, the more capable we are of allowing it to run its course quickly. Research by neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor has shown that it takes just 90 seconds for an emotion like fear to subside.
Instead of ignoring fear at work and letting those fear gremlins multiply, this practice helps us confront it in the moment with kindness and self-compassion. It's a natural human reaction, after all.
Read more about the 3N Influencing Technique in my book, Inspired by Fear: Becoming a Courageous Change Leader, where I dedicate an entire chapter to showing how to apply it to fear experience during organizational change. Buy the book.
Or if you need help to take fast action and feel more courageous, consider my 1:1 coaching and mentoring services.
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